18 year old me

i'm getting real irritated by myself. like a piece of useless shit who cant accomplish anything on my own. a stupid girl wif dreams but no determination. sitting there seeing everybody improving and moving on while my stupid butt is still stuck at the starting point. smart.
i'm irritated wif her. she's making life difficult for me. she doesnt know that i'm a stupid human being and i cant handle so many things at one time. the worse part of my entire life starts 2 years ago. and it's still going on. everybody is there for me, supporting me and encouraging me to move on. everybody. except for YOU. u juz cant seem to open ur mouth and say something that encourages me and boost my morale. i've seen myself changing. from a happy child to a chile who is numb to pain. from a little girl who gets 2nd or 3rd in class to a girl who is among the last few students in the class. u expose me to all sorts of fear, hatred and pain in my childhood days. u push all the blame on me and wans me to hold the responsibility of everything, taking care of my sister, making sure she do all her work correctly, cleaning the house. i'm suppose to be her tuition teacher, i'm suppose to take care of her, i'm supopse to do house work, i'm suppose to take care of the entire household and the well being of her. BUT. i'm not a maid, i'm not a mother, i'm not a baby sitter, i'm not a tuition teacher. i'm juz a 18 year old me.